Kates Blog

Katie Cashman

Expository Writing

Donovan, 4

13 October 2008

How to Be Popular

Popularity is a huge part in high school life. Not only do you need great people skills, but your going to have great acting skills, as well.

1. Every weekend, and I mean every weekend, you must attend one party. At least. If it is a busy weekend, put family, homework, and other plans aside. Reputation is key and missing a party could look horrible for your status in high school.
2. Drink. Don’t hold back, though. When I say drink, I mean drink. Not that girly crap either. Drinking a martini or cosmopolitan at a party just shows everyone you’re a weak drinker. Stick to Absolut Vodka and Jack Daniels; drinking straight alcohol will get you drunk faster, which is worth the horrible taste for a good 30 seconds.
3. Some people say you choose your friends, others say your friends choose you. Well, if you want to be popular, you better pick out your friends. Now, not just any friends. You must be friends with the most attractive girls in the school. A gorgeous group of friends is essential in your high school years. But be sure, completely positive, that you are the fairest of them all.
4. Convince your parents to buy you a brand new BMV, Mercedes, or a “Stang”. A luxurious car is not only an attention grabber, but also screams, “Look at me!” With a car like this, lower classman will not only be intimidated, but also look up to you like some sort of goddess. Some may see you as a snob, but who cares. You are better than them, anyways.
5. Every morning, you must get up before 5:30am to prefect your hairdo.  If one piece of hair is misplaced, everyone will notice, and you risk the chance of getting no compliments that day. If you are having a bad hair day, fix it, or don’t go to school. Fake sick if you must.
6. Don’t take all your time on your hair though; makeup is also very vital. Cake that pore clogging crap on like kids face paint. Makeup must be perfect every second, every minute, every day. So, if you have to, tell your English teacher you have to use the restroom and quickly go apply foundation and eyeliner. School isn’t all about learning, you must look good while getting your learn on!
7. When shopping, make sure to pick out the most expensive clothes, shoes, and accessories. Make daddy buy you those $250 Tory Burch flats, Lacoste polos in every possible color and all sorts of jeans. But stray away from Levis- far, far away from Levis. Go with Rock n’ Republics, Citizens, or True Religions. Not only will your butt look great in these jeans, but everyone will notice the brand name and feel obligated to compliment you on them.
8. Sucking up to everyone is key- Kiss their royal behind.  Teachers, underclassmen, peers, parents, everyone. You must be popular among the students, yes, but authority must love you, too. And by sucking up to all these people, you’ll possibly even get nominated into the Homecoming Court!
9. If nominated into the Homecoming Court, you’ll have to do a skit. Your skit will have to be funny, so this is time for your humorous side to shine, which people rarely get to see, because, well, you don’t have one. The best way to try to be funny is making fun of yourself, someone else, or just being completely original. I’d personally stick to the first one.
10. Another way to gain favor among your peers is running for President, Vice President, or Secretary of the school. Everyone will learn your name, which obviously amounts to popularity points.

Hope this helped, :pp